Trials and Trusting (the Rabies Story)

Lest you be unduly impressed with this long post the day before we are to travel, let me confess that this is an excerpt from notes I found from a testimony I shared back in 2003, edited and adapted. It fit with my ongoing theme of trials and trusting.

For those who don’t know me, my husband Jim and I have been full-time missionaries for the past 23 years, and God has blessed us with a total of seven children. God has restored to me all the things I had lost during the time I was not listening to Him. Now I eagerly listen for His voice. People who do not personally know Jesus think we are crazy for being missionaries. People who do not believe in heaven and hell cannot understand why we would give our lives to tell others about he hope we have in Christ. Even people who love the Lord often wonder at the size of our family.

It all boils down to trust. Early in our marriage, we learned that we could trust God to give us exactly the family He wanted us to raise. We thought we would finish our missionary training and get settled on the mission field before starting a family, but God had other plans. Our first baby was born nine months and twelve days after we got married. Perfect planning. We might not have dreamed of it, but God did, and I wouldn’t change it if I could.

Let me quickly add that God does not require any of us to give him our family planning. This is not a law, and aren’t we glad about that? Nonetheless, in our marriage, Jim and I made a step of faith to trust God to open and close the womb as He saw fit, just as He had in Bible times. It was difficult during the years we thought we were not to have any more children, during the four-year gap between our girls, but I learned that I must trust God in the area of family planning. It meant trusting God even when one of our babies died five months into a pregnancy.

Sometimes what is even harder than trusting God to give us children is trusting God to take care of them. I think this is one of the primary reasons more people don’t even attempt to go to the mission field: too many unknowns, too much danger, sickness, and who-knows-what. When each of the first four children was little, we went through a little ceremony of “dedicating them to God.” It wasn’t until we faced the possibility of losing them that I realized how firmly I had kept these children in my heart, to the point of idolatry. Deep down I was not totally persuaded that I could trust God in this area.

Back when we only had four children, ages one to six, our dog died of rabies. By the time the lab results confirmed the diagnosis, it was almost too late to begin anti-rabies injections for the six of us who had been exposed to the fatal disease. A doctor friend in Guatemala City imported the best serum available, and advised us to quickly drive to the city to begin the series of injections, but he made it clear there was no guarantee the serum would be effective so many days after exposure. I stayed up most of the night, packing the car for the trip, tidying up our house, and most of all, praying.

Up until this experience, whenever I had cried out to the Lord, He had comforted my heart. Not this time. When I awoke after wrestling all night in a state of half-sleep, half-prayer, I felt a sense of deep dread. At 4:00 A.M. as we loaded the sleeping children in the van and began the long winding drive to the hospital in the city, I continued to argue with God. I was frightened and confused, unable to find the peace of God. From there the conversation went something like this:

Holy Spirit: “And what kind of comfort and peace do you expect?”

Me: “You know what I need – the assurance that everything will be all right!”

H.S: “Exactly what do you mean by ‘all right’?”

Me: “All right, like no one is going to die a horrible death from rabies!”

H.S: “So if someone in your family dies, you have no peace?”

Me: “Well…”

H.S: “I’ve already given you my peace. Do you want it, or don’t you?”

Me: “…but the children, Lord, what if something happens to my children?”

H.S: “Whose children?”

Me: “Mine! Well, of course, they are yours, but…”

H.S: “You dedicated them to me, but it sounds like you are still clinging pretty tight.”

Me: “Yeah, but…”

H.S: “Do you trust me?”

Me: (pierced!) “Yes, of course I do. Please forgive me for making my children idols before You. I place them back at your feet. I hereby give you Christopher (tears), Timmy (moan), Michael (groan), and even precious little Hannah (sobs). Do with them as you wish. They are yours, not mine.”

Silence

Me: “Okay, now why do I still feel so uneasy?”

Silence

Me: “Oh...me? You know my life belongs to you. I trust you to take care of the children if I should die of rabies….”

Silence, then a loud scream, “NO! You can’t have him!” Quietly then I wrestled like never before as I realized there was yet another idol in my life. I did NOT want to trust God with my husband’s life. God had miraculously given him to me, and I had no intention of giving him back. No way could I raise four small children without a godly husband. Deep down I dreaded that Jim was the one to contract rabies a die an agonizing death.

In the drama unfolding in my imagination, I was the tragic character, the poor widow left all alone. Examining closer, though, I noticed I wasn’t alone after all. God was right there holding me up just as He had after my divorce, and it was all right. “Fine,” I said. “You can have Jim, too. Do with his life as you please. I trust You!” Then came the peace that passes all understanding. All fear was gone once I chose to trust in God’s perfect will.

Within the same month, God would test my faith in an unforgettable way. Watching for the first possible signs of rabies, we were horrified to see our little 3-year-old Mikey limping one morning, with no feeling in one of his legs. Paralysis in the extremities is the first symptom. Once again I cried out to the Lord. This time it was different. I made no demands that God should heal our son. Rather we gathered with other believers to praise God and thank Him for his faithfulness to us throughout our lives. We recounted his goodness to the saints in history, giving specific examples from scripture.

At this point in our ministry, we were phasing out of our work in Guatemala, and preparing to move to Oaxaca, Mexico – the darkest most unreached spot in the western hemisphere. We suspected that Satan, the enemy of our souls, was trying to discourage us by killing our son. We patterned our words after those of Shadrach, Meshak, and Abednigo who said “We know our God is able to deliver us, but even if He doesn’t, let it be known that ….”

3-year-old Mikey

We told Satan that he could try whatever the Lord would allow him to do, but that we would serve the Lord no matter what! To make a happy ending, I am glad to report that God healed Mikey. That little 3-year-old boy is now a twenty-year-old 6'4" man of God, training for future ministry. Praise the Lord! We've been actively reaching out to the non-literate people groups of Oaxaca for the past fifteen years.

(Side note: some people question whether Michael actually had rabies or not. The only way to confirm a diagnosis is to send the brain off to a lab, and for obvious reasons we opted not to do that. Whatever it was Mikey had, rabies or a reaction to the vaccine, God healed him. That much we know for sure.)

Can we trust Him? You better believe it. I could talk all day, all night and then some, giving example after example of God’s faithfulness to us in our family and our ministry. I could tell you about driving through the mountains in Mexico and having to stop the van long enough to splash water on a strangely overheated radiator, delaying us just long enough to prevent being swept off the mountain by a sudden mudslide. I could tell you of specific financial needs unknown to any man, and how God miraculously provided the exact amount needed. I could tell you of times Jim traveled to remote villages, out of reach of telephones, and returned more than a day late, and how God comforted my heart, and kept me from worry. I could tell you of other life-threatening illnesses we faced, in which God protected, healed, and received the glory and honor. He is completely trustworthy in all these situations.

My future is uncertain. I have no guarantee that life will always be glorious or even tolerable or free from pain. This life holds no terrors for me as long as God holds my life in His hands. The only thing I must worry about is my sin nature that begs me continually to take the reigns in my life, to call the shots, to write my own story as I see fit. This is a struggle to the finish line. Please pray that I will be faithful, even as God has been faithful to me. Thank you.

My prayer for you is that you will be encouraged in every way to trust God more fully. Whether you are taking tiny baby steps toward faith in God, or whether you have known Jesus personally for many years, I pray that you will give him every detail of your life. I pray that you will allow him to write a beautiful ending to your own life’s story. If you have already messed up your life, I pray that you will experience his love and forgiveness. He is waiting to meet you just where you are. It’s a fabulous adventure, trusting God along the journey of life. You will never regret following his path. I promise you that. Bless you!