Mother's Day 2002 - Looking Back

Among the treasures discovered after my Mom passed away last month was a copy of an email I had sent her in honor of Mother's Day 18 years ago.  She had printed it out and gently placed it inside a book of memories my siblings and I had given her and Dad the year before to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

From:  Me via an old compuserve account
Date:  Sunday, May 12, 2002
Subject:  Happy Mother's Day!

Dear Mom,

Last night I joined the ladies at the local church for a special service and dinner the youth served for us moms.  It struck me during the message that when I hear lovely words about motherhood, I still don't think of being a mother as much as I think of you as my own mother.  Does that make sense?  I never quite feel I deserve all the kind things said of us mothers, but I do not question that they all apply to you.  I wish you could have been here with me, so I could have said something nice publicly.

This afternoon at the (Wycliffe) meeting, again people had an opportunity to share a special memory of their mothers, or some trait they admire in their mothers.  I thought of a zillion things I could have said that I learned from you -- a love for music, good literature, and word games.  How to fix cheap breakfasts in a hotel.  Keeping kids in line.  Putting them to bed on time.  Running a smooth household.  Throwing dinner parties.... The importance of correspondence in developing lifelong friendships.

Of all those, the last one probably tops the list.  If you die before me, I will still have my love of music, literature, and word games.  I'll still be able to manage kids and all of the above.  I'll still act like you in ways I'm not even aware of.  I'll keep writing letters.  What won't be the same is that I won't be getting letters from you.  That is the one thing I dread most of all.  Life without letters from you.  I thank God every Mother's Day for blessing me with another year of your friendship and letters.  I beg for grace to face the possibility of God calling you home before me.  I'll never be ready for that day.  You've been my most faithful friend all these years.  I would miss you terribly.

Like most lousy daughters, I do not say these things often enough.  But as I receive news almost every month about my friends losing their mothers, I don't want to take for granted that you will be with me forever on this earth.  What I want you to know is that you will ALWAYS be part of my life, whether you are here or in heaven.  I wouldn't be here without you, but more importantly, I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for your influence.

On a lighter note, several of the folks this afternoon were sharing how they wouldn't be on the mission field if it weren't for their mother's influence and prayers.  You will be relieved to know that I didn't say how your Sunday School class prayed I would flunk out of linguistic classes so I would "get over the notion of being a missionary."  (Mrs. Parrish told me about that!)  Hehehe.  When the time came, you did valiantly release me, though.  I have to give you credit for that.

This year more than ever I was imagining what you and Dad must feel like on Mother's Day.  No matter how many cards or flowers I receive, all that I really think about is you.  You must really miss Nana today in particular.  I miss her and Grandmother, too.

To sum it all up, I love you, Mom.  You are appreciated.  Keep the letters coming.  I'm praying for another 15 years of this, to see me through my own mothering years.

Jamie

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How thankful I am that God answered that prayer, giving me another 18 years of Mom's love, friendship, and encouragement.  Oh, how I am missing her today!  What's weird is that I honestly thought somehow my own mothering years would be over before now.  Not quite...